At any moment in a conflict with our kids, there are at least three (3) participants: 1) You, 2) Your Kid(s) and 3) Your Ego. You know who "YOU" are…you are the person who is speaking or acting. You know who your "Kid(s)" are…they are who you are in conflict with. But the ego is a tricky participant. It seems to have a mind of its own and sometimes seems out of control. So how do you kick the Ego out of the interaction with your kids (or anyone-else)???
We all developed an Ego when we started absorbing our parents' ideas about "how things should be" or an emotional rightness or wrongness about something. Our ego's response to a situation is an automatic reaction whether what we believe makes sense or not. Our ego is the "devil" on our shoulder arguing with the "angel" on the other shoulder. Its job is to keep our focus on me-me-me and to keep us protected or strong against other people…including our children.
For a quick peek into how the ego keeps us in conflict and tips to keep the ego out of it, you're invited to read Heather Luszczyk's entire article: "Conflict: The Ego's Favorite Game and How to End it" at OpenZine.com. Heather provides an enlightening view of how "conflict" is often heightened by the ego's antics. And, the next time you're getting ready to go head-to-head with your child, Stop, Think and then try out one of her suggestions to keep your interchange between just the two of you…without ego involvement.
You can access Heather's website at Living A Magical Life. She's a great resource for coping with stress.